Instead of very, use…

Instead of very, use...

Important for Authors and Writers everywhere


I can’t see you anymore

I did not intend for this hiatus to go on for such a long time, although, full disclosure, I did know there was going to be a long pause between my posts after writing the last entry. I apologize to anyone that was waiting for something new to come earlier. I was caught up in aggressive changes that couldn’t be put off, and even still I’m being weighted down by responsibilities. The urgency has fluctuated within the past few days or so but, even at an all time high, I feel some confidence in straying from those duties to update this freelance blog.

So without further ado, I present to my loving audience the reality of my current circumstances. I know I have a school blog but I’m going to bring up school matters for a moment and just vent to you how this search for scholarships is not going very well. I’ve only just started and, while that’s enough to make me feel guilty about my procrastination, it’s become apparent that many of the choices before me are not exactly tailored to me in the best ways. There are plenty that require a step above the rung that I’ve grabbed a hold of and I find a great deal to be self-conscious about when I look at them all. I wish I was able to apply for some, some I feel like I could do very well in and might even have a chance in winning, yet there’s too high a price just to be accepted. I can’t go to college without money, obviously, but at the moment it feels like I’m running out of options.

On the less drab side of things I’ve been meaning to explode if I don’t share with you my sudden findings with somebody. I mean, I have shared this with a few people, just not in the way of specifics. I feel a little more confidence (and am far more impatient) in telling others about my discoveries, even though I know there’s a chance that I’ll be ridiculed or ostracized for it.

There’s a great stigma surrounding fanfiction as a whole and I completely understand where that comes from. I myself have been subdued by the countless terrible ramblings of young audience members with the subtlety of freight trains that aren’t ever particularly coherent or interesting over the years and now rarely search for entertainment within the dark crevices comprising fanfiction websites. There are some real writers out there however, some people that just make you giddy that there are those that write to share what’s inspired them and their creative thoughts and I have found a few in my lifetime that I cannot hold anything for except for my utmost praise.

One particular writer has had me on the edge of my seat for nearly the entire winter break and, although the feeling has gone a tiny bit stale from impatience, I still reserve the right to sit down when I get a break or am eating a meal to just reread some of her stories. I cannot believe that she doesn’t get published or paid for her abilities because, seriously, when you read what she writes and how flawlessly she executes her ideas, you just cannot help but follow by example. She the writes the kinds of stories wherein the words flow effortlessly and form clear images in your mind, the kinds of stories that do well with mood music so that that film that’s running inside of your mind can come full circle, the kinds of stories that make you think and then make you mirror the language and the thematic devices while you take a walk or sit down for lunch or even while you talk to a friend whom you cannot divulge certain information with.

Her stories are the kinds that make you realize just how theatrical you are. At least, that’s what they do in my case.

And really I’m proud that I’ve found them and that I get the privilege of reading them. You wouldn’t be surprised either when you get the privilege of hearing that the majority of her fanfics are centered on the Nolan Batman films either. I’ve mentioned this in my school-related blog that I’m an avid fan of Batman. The Dark Knight is responsible for… plenty, in my case. I have it to thank for my strengthening love for story-type mediums, my developing ability to pick apart, critique, and analyze anything from films to novels to magazines and so on and so forth, and my perspective lens on life as a whole. Why not explore the many facets of a film that I love and owe so much to?

(I’d link to these stories if I had the permission and the knowledge that the content involved in these stories was not going to offend or disturb anyone. Some of what comprises these lovely, lovely stories may not be suitable for everyone, i.e. there’s gore, child endangerment, cursing, sensitive ideology, philosophy, subject matter, and psychological aspects that will make you cringe that are involved in these stories. Yeah.)

Just Ridiculous

I’m a natural hypochondriac. I hate to admit it, especially when my mother (whom even when in the thorough of her lethal flaws I think of with soft-hearted fondness) indulges in telling me this when I act up with that smug countenance indigenous to the much loathed snake population.

                For those of you that do not know that particular word or its meaning, have no fear. I shall elucidate and say with loving bluntness that a hypochondriac is a person suffering from a terrible case of dichotomy of the healthy brain that would only suffer a ‘normal’ being had they recently looked for symptoms of a non-specific illness on Web MD.

I worry about illnesses that I don’t have, that I have a limited chance of ever conceiving in my young life and shouldn’t be worrying about regardless of whether or not I can and will have. As a child I was afraid to touch the mere vessels containing dish soap and cleaning agents because I believed, wholeheartedly, that I would die if I breathed in residual particles from those agents that supposedly resided on my fingertips from touch alone. As you can see, it was a very distressing condition and, while I’ve been able to overcome it in certain circumstances as I’ve aged, I realize that it comes back with a vengeance whenever life starts to take my time and interest.

                I wouldn’t be admitting this, let alone mentioning it at all, if my being a hypochondriac wasn’t relevant to today’s news. I’m suffering from a lack of knowledge given my recent lifestyle change, because I don’t know how much I should be eating and what exactly I can eat that would be easy for me to accomplish cooking-wise or receiving. I don’t know if my body is using up muscle tissue because I haven’t been eating enough calories, I don’t know if my heart is being overworked simply from walking up 3 flights of stairs, and I don’t know if my stress is making me gain weight right at this moment. All I know is that I shouldn’t be worrying about this because it’s an easy fix and I know that I don’t have an eating disorder and that all this shaking I’m doing is because I’m anxious, not sick.

                I suppose I’ll have to contend with this and have faith that I’ll find a healthy balance at the end of the day. It’s nice to have a place to share these things with, and to be able to reassure even the slightly curious reader that I’m doing everything in my power to be healthy.


Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat a healthy snack and try to relax. Next post will revolve around internalization, so gear up! 

Shortening the queue one film at a time…

So I’ve been trying to cut my Netflix queue down to ½ its size lately…

As much as I enjoy education, and you know I do, it’s more than apparent to me hours of homework, looking at and filing applications for college, and watching what I eat – which I would normally leave out for the sheer absurdity of it all, but let me just say that I’ve been misinformed on this factor and have had to increase my caloric intake today and am much saner for it – have severely affected my ability to watch what I please.

I have always loved movies, and having Netflix so conveniently within reach with a majority of old films that I love and films that I haven’t had the chance to watch in my life is just peachy. Nonetheless I’ve still been barred from watching those various films at the rate that is, I don’t know, ideal.

The closest I’ve come is getting ¼ or half-way through certain movies and tv series. Of course, most of my list consists of things like Doctor Who and Supernatural and the like, just things that I’ve heard about that has had such a large impact on the community of people that I most identify, and sadly I haven’t been able to get to any of them. I did manage to watch… two episodes of the new Doctor Who and I couldn’t quite get into it enough to keep going. Crossing the fingers, I hope to change that at some point in the future because, conceptually, the series seems very interesting and I’d like to know more about without being bombarded with references from it over and over and over again.

Can’t hate it if I haven’t seen it right?

Anyway, back to the main problem. I’ve been able to get to new movies/tv shows at a slow crawl, but as of yesterday I managed to watch a movie all the way through without distraction.

Okay, technically I could have been doing other things but I decided to watch a movie instead.

And the movie I picked was a cult classic film: Heathers.

So for some context, this film was made in 1989 and stars the likes of Winona Ryder and Christian Slater (whose name has been twinned with negative connotations for me and whom I will have to look up later on). It was meant to be a dark satire of the popular teen movies at the time and was basically hilarious because it was very difficult – at the time – to believe that school outcasts would kill their classmates. It was also made to poke at the fact that teen suicide was/is sensationalized by the media.

Just from that alone, you can probably tell how the film would be received if it were released at present. There are plenty of things in this movie that could set people off and probably already do given incidents like Columbine, and so it’s not nearly as popular now due to that mind frame. And yet, it’s iconic enough for me to have heard of it and for me to want to watch it, let alone have it sit in my queue for a week or so.

I won’t spoil anything for those that haven’t seen this movie, but as a dark comedy the movie Heathers succeeds. I suppose it requires a slightly warped sense of humor to indulge in, but the acting is good and the point the film tries to get across is translated very well to the screen. I definitely don’t mind that I took the time to watch it, even while not knowing full well what I was getting into.

In fact, for me, the most uncomfortable part of the movie was having to sit through hearing the name Heather back and forth, back and forth.

I realize that that wasn’t much of ‘review’ but I’ll have to get back to you with a better one the next time I can work on being a genuine critic. For now, I’m just going to have to continue my hunt for oatmeal raisin cookies and hope any readers out there derived some amount of enjoyment from my little rambling.

I do have an idea for the next post but we’ll see where that goes.

It’s to be dropped unceremoniously into the minds of those too nice to tell me to continue my existence elsewhere

A personal blog for where I intend to vent as much as possible about my interests and self-made discoveries. I’ll be very straightforward however and say that the majority of what I’m going to be writing will pertain to my own interests, thus there will be no pleasing others when I say what I want to say.

I hold myself up to the standards that I find appropriate measures of my personal integrity and have no reservations about what I say if those standards are met. I don’t intend to offend anyone with tidbits on topics that I have no real clue about and if I do get into things like that I’ll at least walk into it as I would a restaurant invested by wealthy roaches, cautiously and with the knowledge that I have little to know awareness on this particular level. 

Yeah, you read right. I threw up a phenomenal bunch of word vomit all for the sake of actually being able to say that I wrote an introduction that somewhat outlined what this blog includes as far as a conduct. It’s all schlock with no value. But you read it. That counts for something I suppose. 

The posts will get more interesting as this goes along. I just really needed this particular post for a sense of formality.