I’m a natural hypochondriac. I hate to admit it, especially when my mother (whom even when in the thorough of her lethal flaws I think of with soft-hearted fondness) indulges in telling me this when I act up with that smug countenance indigenous to the much loathed snake population.
For those of you that do not know that particular word or its meaning, have no fear. I shall elucidate and say with loving bluntness that a hypochondriac is a person suffering from a terrible case of dichotomy of the healthy brain that would only suffer a ‘normal’ being had they recently looked for symptoms of a non-specific illness on Web MD.
I worry about illnesses that I don’t have, that I have a limited chance of ever conceiving in my young life and shouldn’t be worrying about regardless of whether or not I can and will have. As a child I was afraid to touch the mere vessels containing dish soap and cleaning agents because I believed, wholeheartedly, that I would die if I breathed in residual particles from those agents that supposedly resided on my fingertips from touch alone. As you can see, it was a very distressing condition and, while I’ve been able to overcome it in certain circumstances as I’ve aged, I realize that it comes back with a vengeance whenever life starts to take my time and interest.
I wouldn’t be admitting this, let alone mentioning it at all, if my being a hypochondriac wasn’t relevant to today’s news. I’m suffering from a lack of knowledge given my recent lifestyle change, because I don’t know how much I should be eating and what exactly I can eat that would be easy for me to accomplish cooking-wise or receiving. I don’t know if my body is using up muscle tissue because I haven’t been eating enough calories, I don’t know if my heart is being overworked simply from walking up 3 flights of stairs, and I don’t know if my stress is making me gain weight right at this moment. All I know is that I shouldn’t be worrying about this because it’s an easy fix and I know that I don’t have an eating disorder and that all this shaking I’m doing is because I’m anxious, not sick.
I suppose I’ll have to contend with this and have faith that I’ll find a healthy balance at the end of the day. It’s nice to have a place to share these things with, and to be able to reassure even the slightly curious reader that I’m doing everything in my power to be healthy.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat a healthy snack and try to relax. Next post will revolve around internalization, so gear up!
H.A.N. 